triangled

27 Nov 2013

I just found a manga that drew all about me, and my love story. Stardust Wink. A girl with 2 childhood guy friend then don't know which one she really liked. For me, Sou is hubby and Hinata is baka. Ya definitely fit in the characteristic too! Hinata was leaving for high school at Tokyo, just same as baka left me and went Singapore. But Hinata was nicer, at lease the girl knows. But I'm just a idiot who don't know anything. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I went up in bathroom and cried again. It was really heartbreaking. Then i asked hubby whether i can take baka as my firend he said it's okay with a :) . I'm so happy and i asked whether i can talk to him, he replied it's up to you. with a smile :) . I realized I was so stupid to believe it. He would never allow me, wouldn't he? If he find out that we had been talking all the time, he'll be very mad at me right? I replied a okay. He said, he just have fear and said i know him. NO I DON'T. All those sentences of believing in me are LIES. He don't believe me. I just shut down my phone right away. I need baka. I had to admit it. Because whenever I'm upset, he's the one who can cheer me up. Making me feel better which anyway he can. I know,  hubby did that too. But the feelings are different. If baka was here, he would do the same, will he? I miss him. But. No matter how much i love him, I just can't go out with him anymore. I sold myself to hubby. Hubby is good, really nice too. he love me very much and I know that. But sometimes, the kindness that swallowing me keeps growing. I cannot bring the broken me to baka. He deserve better. After all,  he said he had put down. I know he didnt. But I don't want him to like me anymore. I'm not perfect anymore for him. He'll sure be disgusted with me if he knew what I did. I'm glad we are friends now. I'm glad he was my first love :') Maybe someday I'll put everything down. Nicely and clearly. But still I wanna to say for last time. I love you, baka.