Feeling so ashamed for what I did last night. And today i was breaking down hardly. Vomited this morning, glad I haven't had my breakfast. Kena mom scold because i was keep coughing. Went church. Suddenly kylie told me she might not come anymore. She might transfer church. Family problems. I was ok at first. Really i was. But not until when at downstairs service. Hearing what pastor said, and why hold spirit came and touch me at this moment. Tears burst out and crying. In crowd. I'm not such a weak person, but thia time you really defeated me. When I knew I cant go ioi also, ah continue cry. After service end, went up lock myself in a room, called jinwen n cried. I was really ok and pretended so well, until kylie said goodbye to me. I dont wanna trust this bye as forever. Who will, every sunday morning sing with me chat with me be there for me, these 8 years.. how can u leave me here.. went jlpt exam with a broken heart. Thank you jinwen n ber ber for cheering me up. It was tiring, I dont hope anything. Went home dinner, gor n his gf was here. Ah my new pillow arrives :) I was trying to smile to laugh to be happy all night, only showing my breaking down side to jinwen, hoping u would notice too. But.. nvm
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